According to the calendar, the semester is winding down. For some reason, the stack of writing assignments with December deadlines hasn’t gotten the memo. When it comes to writing, finding the initial angle to center a paper around is the biggest challenge for me. Once I know where I’m going, pounding out a paper becomes significantly easier. Based on the questions that have come my way, I’m not the only one looking for clear angles in the middle of a conflict — be it an internal dilemma or an external debate. I am hoping that these answers help you identify the starting angles in your decision-making. Happy reading!
Hi Bewildered,
I think the election season highlighted the very problem you’re facing. It could be jarring to learn that a close friend who reads the exact same book and worships the exact same God has an entirely different outlook.
It’s important to note that, as Christians, our views on key social issues aren’t isolated points in the constellations of our beliefs. Instead, our stances reflect the way that we approach scripture and are also informed by our faith tradition. If you and this person in your Christian Thought class have significant differences in one or both of these categories, then of course you’re not going to reach a shared conclusion.
My advice is to find the most central common ground. Start with what you can agree on — whatever that may be — and work upward until you hit your first roadblock. Chances are high that your first obstacle will come well before you work up to the social issue at hand.
When you come to your first disagreement — perhaps on the significance of church tradition or the definition of divine inspiration — do a small evaluation of the discussion. Are you and the other person both wrestling through the contention together, or are you staunchly defending your side of the disagreement as the bedrock of your stances on social issues?
It’s at this point where you’ll need to decide whether the conversation is worth continuing. If no one is willing to budge, even on the very first plane of disagreement, the chances of you reaching a mutual understanding regarding any derivative stances are slim.
Good luck!
Hi Damsel,
It really boils down to why you’re delayed in your decision-making. Are you legitimately unsure of which person you’d rather spend your time with? Or do you merely want to extend the positive attention you’re receiving from both people?
If your situation is the former, continuing to connect with both people is fine so long as all parties involved are aware of the situation. There is a happy medium between flipping a coin and spending the next few months as though you’re on “The Bachelorette.” Make sure that you are actively trying to discern which person is better for you, or else you may be in the second of the two situations I described above.
If you find yourself merely enjoying the doubled amount of attention, it may be time to make a decision or let both candidates pursue other people who are less interested in harvesting affection. It’s time to ask yourself if the attention you’re currently receiving is worth their time and energy.
I hope, for your sake and for the wellbeing of both your suitors, that you’ll take an active role in your interactions and work to identify which person is the better fit for you sooner rather than later.
Hi Pet,
In any relationship, your differences of opinions in arguments should never be 1 to 1. You’re going to be spending a significant amount of time with this person. Determine whether owning a cat is truly one of the battles you want to pick. Dissuading your fiancé from adopting a kitty may feel less significant after your special someone informs you of their dream to forgo buying a home and instead spend the first year of marriage traveling to Argentina via recreational vehicle.
Voice your concerns for not wanting a cat. If he’s completely unaware that you hate Mr. Mittens with every fiber of your being, he’s not going to understand that there’s a problem and will likely just adopt a replacement after the cat “accidentally escapes.”
I hope you’ll be honest with your fiancé while also evaluating whether a cat — or any future difference of opinions — is really worth the argument. I’m sure your fiancé probably has a few things he would like to get off of his chest, too — in which case, you should have him click on the link below. Best of luck to you, your fiancé and Mr. Mittens.
