During the first week of April, several on-campus organizations and student groups sponsored a lineup of events about gender and sexuality. On April 2, Refuge, a college-sponsored wellness group for students who identify as LGBTQ, partnered with Student Development to host the annual Know Your Neighbor event. Student and faculty panelists spoke about their experiences and perspectives on sexuality and Christian faith.
In a separate event on Friday, Laurie Krieg, a teacher, author and host of the Hole in My Heart podcast, spoke in chapel about her experiences with shame surrounding her sexuality, followed by a lecture and discussion with Laurie and her husband Matt Krieg that evening.
Earlier this semester, Wheaton College made updates to the student handbook, including a new section doubling down on the college’s recognition of gender as a binary and employees’ obligation not to state preferred pronouns while carrying out college business. These statements, including the prohibition of “persistent actions or behaviors at variance with one’s birth sex,” left some students feeling confused about the protocols’ full implications.
This year’s Know Your Neighbor organizers said the intention of the event was to facilitate conversation. Panelists included Ministry Associate for Discipleship Eric Larson, Associate Professor of Christian Formation and Ministry Barrett McRay, Elise Berthin ‘23 and Mack Ibrahim, a junior English major and president of Refuge. Larson described it as an annual event meant to amplify LGBTQ student voices.
Before the panel, each attendee was given a sheet that compiled commonly used terms and definitions pertaining to sexuality and gender, along with campus resources for students navigating same-sex and gender identity issues. Paul Chelsen, vice president for student development, opened the event with a short introduction.
“My hope is that all of us have a listening spirit,” he said.
To begin the panel, Berthin and Ibrahim, who both identify as queer, shared their coming-out stories, explaining the difficulties they faced with their families. Ibrahim spoke about the mental health struggles that they experienced while coming out, but said it now feels normal to be open with others about sexuality. Berthin emphasized the positive role that her friends played when she came out, explaining that they helped her feel seen by acknowledging her queerness and her faith. The panelists also spoke about LGBTQ relationships with the church, friendship and community and misconceptions of sexual minorities.
Ibrahim said it was Christians who loved them well, even after learning about their sexual orientation, that increased their motivation to be involved with the church.
“People who I see bear God’s image well have made me want to go to church,” Ibrahim said.
Throughout the event, audience members could submit anonymous questions for the panelists, which they answered at the end of the panel. Someone submitted a question asking how people on side A, meaning those who are affirming of Christian same-sex relationships, can engage in fruitful conversations with those on side B, those who believe that feelings of same-sex attraction are not sinful but maintain a traditional Christian view that marriage and sexual practice should only be between a man and a woman.
Berthin said putting aside each other’s differences in conversations was essential in her time in college.
“The biggest battle we’re fighting is not, can I date another woman or not,” Berthin said. “The biggest battle we’re fighting is, can I walk on campus with a haircut that makes me feel comfortable and not get called a slur.”
McRay, the Christian formation and ministry professor who also serves as a faculty resource to Refuge, said he hoped the event was uplifting to students with similar experiences on campus.
“I hoped that the response to stories shared by two very courageous queer students would be positive, and an encouragement to all the queer students,” he said.
A few days later in chapel, Krieg shared her story coming of age as a Christian who experienced same-sex attraction. Krieg explained the three types of shame she believes Christians can experience: toxic shame, guilty conviction and godly shame. She maintained that any sexual activity outside of marriage between a man and woman is sinful, but that God’s forgiveness liberates Christians from toxic shame and empowers them to pursue honor with their bodies.
Following her chapel message on Friday, Krieg spoke in a Meyer Science Center lecture hall about LGBTQ topics and her Christian life, followed by a talk with her husband, Matt, a licensed therapist, about how to process difficult emotions. Speaking to a full room, Krieg started the first session with the topic of sexual brokenness, which she explained is a byproduct of everyone having core needs that must be met: being seen, affirmed, delighted in and included. This happens, she said, because our own solutions lead to harm. She then spoke about her own experiences of being attracted to women, but feeling “toxic shame because of it.”
Laurie opened the second session on emotions by outlining what she has found to be the steps necessary to deal with her anger: lament, forgiveness, love and action. She referenced the story of Lazarus in John 11, explaining that was where she learned how to lament — through the actions of Jesus, who, she noted, spoke the truth, got angry, got sad and then acted.
Addressing a student who asked about how to engage in LGBTQ conversations although he had less exposure to that topic, Krieg suggested that he do some research by reading people’s life stories and books on theology, and then to pray for people.
“If you’re willing to stay in the game as long as you can, you’re going to be able to hear clues for how and where they need to be loved by God,” she said.
Friday morning was not the first time Krieg has given a chapel message at Wheaton. She also spoke at the Know Your Neighbor event in 2017, discussing similar topics related to sexuality.
Krieg’s chapel was met with a brief standing ovation from the student body, which occurs after many chapel talks that students find particularly powerful. Harry Smith, a sophomore studying music composition who identifies as gay, was worried following Krieg’s chapel talk of what the quick standing ovation might indicate.
“I think we were worried that for a lot of the student body that might come off as being against any queer students on campus,” he said.
Succeeding Krieg’s chapel talk was a lunch for queer students to talk with her and process some of the topics that were covered. Smith and others said they felt more relaxed after attending the lunch because of Krieg’s own openness.
“She has her convictions, but there was not an antagonism,” Smith said. “She recognized that what we’re going through as a student group on this campus can be really difficult and she wanted to support us and be there with us and be in conversation with us.”
One first year music history student who is a part of Refuge said she was happy to see events like these on campus speaking about LGBTQ Christians, but felt that to have them all in one week was not ideal.
“It kind of feels like we’re being shoved into like, ‘Here’s this one week where we’ll talk about your struggles,’” she said.
Sexuality and people’s perceptions of it are so complex, she said, which merits sustained discussions with the LGBTQ community. She hopes that the college will continue building out events with a special focus on gender and sexuality.
“I appreciate the fact that they are trying to bring more events and things to speak about queer people in faith because there’s so many different perspectives on it,” she continued.
McRay also said he desired for Refuge to have more representation in events where other student groups have a chance to lead. Refuge has never hosted a chapel, although many student groups on campus lead chapel throughout the year, including ministry-focused groups like World Christian Fellowship and Missions in Focus, as well as identity- and ministry-focused groups like Unidad, Koinonia and William Osborne Society.
“It is my hope that one day, we can have a chapel led by Refuge students that would give more visibility to their presence and to their testimonies of faithfulness for all the Wheaton community to hear,” said McRay.
Though a Refuge chapel hasn’t come yet, Smith is optimistic for the future after seeing the response to Krieg’s talk.
“I think that the lack of negative backlash has shown that perhaps people did understand what she was saying better than I had hoped, better than I had initially thought.”
